Christian Coach Perspectives

Old Man By The River

2009-10-20T17:52:00.001-04:00

On my morning walk today, I passed by an older man, likely retired, sitting by the river where I usually walk. He had a fishing pole, but it was laying on the river bank. His posture suggested a more ponderous state of being. I wondered what he was thinking. Was he troubled? Was he sad? Lonely? Was he contemplating his life ... his future? Was he there to spend time alone Father God?

As I rounded the bend for a second pass, my thoughts of wondering what his purpose there was shifted to a broader wonder. Why was he the only person there? This is a public park, and it's a very accessible river with much inviting space. I began to wonder why we rarely take the opportunity to commune with God that way. We're so busy. And mostly we tell God what we want, and ask Him to fix things, and to provide. I'm guilty. But I think what I'm learning more is that He wants to get alone with me, talk to me, and have me listen. When I do that it's beautiful, and rich, and powerful.

Maybe the old man by the river was having a wonderful time with his Papa. A time of fellowship, and devotion, and gleaning the Fathers heart for His son. That's what I choose to believe, because that's where I want to be.

When's the last time you sat by a river, or walked in a park, or went for a hike, or a bike ride, or sat alone in your back yard, just listening to what your Father in Heaven has to say?

What is keeping your from sharing that time with Him?

Chance To Be An Angel

2009-08-03T14:47:00.006-04:00

In an August 5th interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Ryan O'Neal spoke of his relationship with the late Farah Fawcett, "I would have been much kinder, more understanding, more mature. I'd lose some of the savagery. I don't know how she got cancer; maybe some of it was me."

I wonder; how many of us feel like that inside? I wish I would have been more kind, more helpful, more forgiving, more available, less busy, less selfish, less grumpy.

Adelaide Proctor wrote; "It isn't the thing you do, dear, it's the thing you leave undone, which gives you bitter heartache at the setting of the sun."

If there could be just one goal in life, I think it should be to minimize regrets. Proctor writes; "The tender words unspoken, the letter you did not write. The flower you might have sent, are your haunting ghosts at night. The stone you might have lifted out of your brothers way, the bit of heartsome counsel you were too hurried to say." Does any of this bring undone moments to your mind?

"These little acts of kindness, so easily out of mind, these chances to be angels, which even mortals find." We have so many opportunities to be the face of Jesus; possibly the only life line someone might receive. Are we too consumed to notice? Don't let woulda, coulda shoulda, be your epitaph. Your chance to be an angel to someone is just moments away.

Doing What I'd Rather Do

2009-05-06T00:31:00.003-04:00

The golden "coaching question" eludes me. If money were no issue, and you could do anything you wanted to do, what would you do? Has anyone every asked you that question? What would you do? Have you ever thought that you might not be doing what you were predestined to do? I do. I have this dream; maybe it's even a vision ... I know it's what I was built to do. And yet, it seems so far away. Only with God, will I be able to fulfill that dream.

Ah yes, God. Of course. Without Him, nothing is possible. He knows my dreams. He put them there. And He must know my frustration. And still He whispers, "Be patient, relax. I am still in charge. Stay with me. I have provided. Rest in me - daily. I am in charge. Live the life I've called you to live."

There's comfort there - yes. And yet, I still wonder; how God, when? And Father just grins, and repeats the message, with this line added, "I am still teaching you."

May you find your rest in Him through the uncertainty. "Be still," He says. "And know that I am Lord."

Perseverance

2009-02-24T21:24:00.000-05:00

"If I had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant."

Life is just tough sometimes. We get down, things come at us, we struggle with jobs and relationships, and habits, and obstacles, etc. I spent a lot of years asking "why?" I still don't have all the answers - not by a long shot - but I am learning that God is in all of it with me. I'm not suggesting that He causes our pain - I don't believe that. But we do know that the Scriptures tell us that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him." (Romans 8:28) And again in Romans (5:3-4) Paul says, "We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character, and character produces hope." I find all of that encouraging - that, while I might not understand why I'm struggling with a particular issue, God is working the situation for my good, some how, some way. And as I persevere, He is developing my character, which builds hope in me. I can tell you, I have more hope, and peace than I have in a long time - in spite of the times - and I know it's because I have begun to let God reign more, and trust the process, and persevere. James, brother of Jesus said this, "we consider blessed those who persevered." (5:11)

17th century poet, Anne Bradstreet wrote, "If I had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." And motivational speaker Tony Robbins said this; "The only reason we really pursue goals is to cause ourselves to expand and grow. Achieving goals by themselves will never make us happy in the long term; it's who you become, as you overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve your goals, that can give you the deepest and most long-lasting sense of fulfillment."

It's in the journey where most of our life's progress is made. As we travel our path, the things we encounter, the obstacles we overcome, the successes, and yes failures we experience along the way, are what really molds and shapes our lives. Perseverance is success. And perseverance builds your character. And your character is where your strength comes from to endure. Stay strong. Stay the course. And keep your back to the wind. Each day brings it's own success.

Thoughts To Ponder
1) Where in your life might seem like a struggle, that in reality is an opportunity for you to persevre?

2) Have you ever considered the idea of; perseverance producing character, and character producing hope?

3) Consider again this quote; "If I had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

Change Your Mind

2009-02-04T23:15:00.002-05:00

Norman Vincent Peal wrote in his book, The Power Of Positive Thinking, "A primary method for gaining a mind full of peace is to practice emptying the mind."

I could use a mind full of peace these days ... how about you? Are you feeling the pressure? I can feel it all around. Everyone seems to be waiting for the "other shoe to drop."

Romans 12:2 says, "Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind." Peal says, "To be happier and healthier, we need a change in the pattern of our thoughts."

Kind of hard to do right now, isn't it? But it has to happen for any amount of peace to settle in on us. I believe it will be those who begin to take the Scriptures seriously, maybe for the first time in their lives, that will be the ones who navigate this leg of the journey without the emotional devastation we see happening all around.

Transform your thoughts. How? Begin by writing down at least 10 things every night before you go to bed that you are thankful for. 10 good things about your day. Don't quit until you have at least 10. I know there's more than that. Think about it. What have you been blessed by today? Your health, a few extra dollars in your wallet, no bills due today, a hot meal, family, good friends, a pet you care about ... try it. You might be surprised how it changes your mind.

Why Nothing Changes

2009-01-12T22:53:00.004-05:00

Why Nothing Changes ...

I've had these two quotes in front of me lately;
"If you change nothing, nothing changes."
"If we want different results, you've got to do something different."

Think about those for a moment ...
What about your life needs changing? Where would you like different results? The difference between wanting and having is ACTION. "Change" and "Do Something" are action statements.

My wife and I put flooring in our bedroom, everywhere except the closet that is. See, we needed the door jam cut so the floor piece would fit properly. For 3 years we looked at bare closet floors because we chose not to do something about it. We finally hired a contractor to to cut the door jams, and I laid the floor in both closets in about an hour. An hour project was stalled because of door jams, and my in-action to call a contractor.

What is effecting your life that needs action on your part? Often, the choice not to act creates more pain and frustration than actually following through on what you know will generate positive results in your life.

Remember, "if YOU change nothing, nothing changes."

Thoughts On Guilt

2008-12-19T00:54:00.003-05:00

Thoughts On Guilt ...

Romans 8:1 says, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ." It amazes me, how we have it there in black and white, yet we live most of our day under condemnation; either self imposed, or heaped on us by others. Jesus told the righteous men gathered around to stone the woman caught in adultery, "let the one without sin throw the first stone at her." When they left he spoke the woman, "Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "And Jesus replied, "Then neither do I condemn you."

If Jesus did not condemn the woman, clearly breaking one of the beloved commandments, then why is it we allow ourselves to fall under such condemnation? In his book "No Condemnation," Bruce Narramore writes, "As I studied the dynamics of guilt and conscience I soon realized how many problems in Christian life relate to guilt. The discouraged, defeated Christian, the perpetual alter-goer who never feels secure in his Christian life, the religious legalist who rigidly orders his own life and finds it easier to condemn others than to love them, and the rebellious adolescent from a highly religious home, have all been touched by guilt. So, too, have many who have lost the vitality they once had in their Christian faith and who have seen that love replaced by religious ritual and orthodoxy devoid of personal meaning ... we heap unneeded condemnation on ourselves and other sensitive people and impose a burden that interferes with the freedom we could have in Christ."

It's a form of control exercised over someone or some group in order to manipulate them into a partucular way of thinking. Don't buy it! We have freedom from all of that junk. Don't sit there and take it anymore. It's not the life God intended for us. Walk away, and step into the arms of a loving God who rescues us, not condemns us.

There Is No Switzerland

2008-12-13T00:44:00.001-05:00

Just the other day I was really struggling with my "job" and where it's not going ... And I asked this question ... "What is my strength" ... "what do I feel like is my offering to the fold ... "

I don't consider myself a writer as much as I think of myself as a "minister of encouragement" through the pen -- my weapon is what comes through me onto paper (computer screen). I KNOW that much -- and it seems that most of my subtle attacks from the enemy are things that keep me from doing that ... little mud puddles, little distractions ... little assumed obligations ... all the way to full blow doubt and fear. And then when I "lob a grenade" with my writings as they go out -- the dragon turns on me and opens fire ... both barrels ...

So my task is to learn to keep my shield up and sword ready -- you can't attack without preparing for the counter attack -- you can't advance without opposition -- so that is my challenge ... I have a tendency to attack in the spiritual realm, and then retreat to the earthly realm, and expect I'll be safe there ... wrong!

I'm learning I need to keep my guns pointed and loaded, and my finger on the trigger -- keep firing ... After all, there is no Switzerland.

You Gotta Walk The Walk

2008-11-22T11:29:00.004-05:00

"Behold, how happy is the man whom God reproves." Job 5:17

Remember Job? You know, the guy God let Satan torment. And of course, his wife, "Curse God and die," didn't help the situation much. Job was miserable though. I can't imagine. I don't want to ever know that kind of testing. But God does test us. Job responds to his wife, "Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?"

We're so quick to grab the good in life, and thumb our noses at what might come along from our Father to test us, and strengthen us, and help us grow. It gets worse for Job though. He tells a buddy, "For what I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me." Have you ever been there? Maybe not to the degree Job experienced, but what about some other aspect of your life?

Eventually Job cannot stand it any more though, and he launches into this long, pitiful speech about how bad his life really is. It sounds like he's just about ready to throw in the towel. "Let the day perish on which I was born," he cries. "Why is light given to him who suffers?" In other word, let me die!

But then one of Job's friends, Eliphaz, who has been sitting with him for seven days, says this; Behold, you have admonished many, and you have strengthened weak hands. You words have helped the tottering to stand, and you have strengthened feeble knees. But now, it has come to you, and you are impatient? It touches you, and you are dismayed. Is not your fear of God your confidence, and the integrity of your ways your hope?"

Any chance you can identify with that? It's so easy to talk the talk, but when the train is coming in your direction, what do you do? Doubt? Quit? Feel like you'd be better off dead? No! That's not the reason for this season of darkness. God has something for you in all of it. Look at Job's eventual response. "Teach me, and I will be silent; And show me how I have erred." That's been my prayer lately. "Lord, I don't understand it all, so I will be silent so you can teach me. I will quit trying to do it on my own. Show me how I have erred, so I can follow you." It works. And that's where the peace and joy reside, in letting go, and letting God have His way. -- Greg Tutwiler

Where There Is No Vision

2008-11-09T01:29:00.003-05:00

"Where there is no vision, the people perish."

How are you? Really ... If you're like everyone else I know, you've been effected in some way by this economic turbulence. One friend lost over 60% of his retirement investment. He had to "come out of retirement," just to pay his daily living expenses. "What else can I do?" he said. It's tough, I understand. And yet, God has advised us that times like these would come. They just so catch us by surprise, don't they? There doesn't seem to be any immediate relief on the way.

However, if you know your purpose in life, the one God has planned for you, then times like these are just part of the journey. I don't mean to minimize the situation. But I have come to realize that worrying about how things are doesn't fix anything for me. And as I understand what God's up to in the world, I'm able to navigate my path more patiently.

The writer of Proverbs wrote, "where there is no vision, the people perish." (29:18) We must have a vision of where God is taking us if we don't want to perish. When we understand the vision, our purpose comes into focus. And then we can begin to live in the reality of our purpose. Then when trials come upon us, we understand that it's just part of the life we're living. It doesn't make the suffering go away, but it helps us stay focused on the bigger picture, and the greater mission that God has for us.

Way too often we loose site of the fact that we're just travelers here on earth. This not our destination. We don't have to be controlled by the circumstances we find ourselves in. God has not given us a spirit of fear. If we find ourselves afraid of the future, then we're placing our trust in the wrong things. And with a proper vision for our future, we can find comfort in the fact that God knows a whole lot more about what's going on than we do. God is so much bigger than we give him credit for.

COACHING QUESTIONS:
1) Do you believe that God created you for a specific life purpose?
2) Speculate what that might be for you.
3) If money were not a concern, what is the one thing you would chose to do, if you could not fail?

Consider The Future

2008-11-05T16:11:00.004-05:00

Consider The Future

It's about 24 hours since America began closing the door on one of the most significant elections in recent history. Regardless of how you voted, or how you feel about the politics of the president elect, we witnessed history in the making in this nation. And a group of people in this country were ecstatic with the outcome.

As I pondered my personal opinions, and reflected over the past months, and my desires for the months and years to come, I was lead to a particular verse in the book of Lamentations. "She (Jerusalsm) did not consider her future, therefore she has fallen astonishingly." (1:9) You can argue both sides of the fence on this, depending on where you stand with regard to your choice for president. However the bigger picture for me is this; are you really considering your future? Am I? What are you doing today, or not doing, that has a directly significant impact on your future? What are you putting your faith in? A government, or a creator? A man, or God?

If we allow our emotions to become overly focused, either in disappointment, or over zealous enthusiasm, we run the risk of falling from faith in the one real leader we can trust. Later in the passage, (3:24, 25) it says, "The Lord is my portion says my soul, Therefore I have hope in Him ... The Lord is good to those who wait for Him." That is a promise we can stand on, one rooted in the truth, that has no "party" ties, and is available to all who will believe. Hope in the Lord, Waiting on the Lord, for my portion, whatever that is for me. May you consider that most important as you consider your future, and your reaction to world we live in.
Greg Tutwiler, CCLC, BCPC

What do you call yourself?

2008-11-04T10:28:00.003-05:00

Do you have any nick-names? I've had several through the years. Seems like every time throughout my life whenever I found myself in a new group of friends, I ended up with a nick name. Some were endearing, other were not. Occasionally, I had nick-names that came from a significantly embarrassing moment. I hated those. Every time someone referred to me by that name, I was reminded of the incident, and someone got a chuckle at my expense. The problem is, when those names are repeated over time, they can become your identity. You can become the person identified in the nick-name.

Scripture tells us the tongue is like a two edged sword. Words can kill. And so can thoughts. It's one thing to be identified with a particular nick-name within a group of people. But when we internalize that name and begin to associate with it on a daily basis, it grips us and debilitates us. A good example is weight. Names like "fatty," "lumpy," "tiny," "biggin,'" etc., send a message; "you're fat," even if that word is never used. We then internalize that message and affirm it. "I am fat." No, you're not. Do you have an area of your life that needs work? Possibly. But if you agree with a particular negative message about yourself, then you cement it into reality, and set up a significant hurdle to ever eliminating that from your life.

So, what names do you call yourself; Weak, lazy, unimportant, incapable, unqualified, loser, inadequate? If you believe those things about yourself, they become reality. Why? Because you act as if they're true. Your actions reflect your beliefs. If you believe you are incapable of completing a task, you won't even try. I know, I've done it. "I can't" should never be part of your vocabulary.

We have to replace the negative name calling with positive messages. Make a list of those lies you believe about yourself. If you think you are not smart enough to earn a particular job, replace that thought with, "I am smart enough." And, if for some reason, you lack the education, or training, you can do something about that too. Don't agree with anything that puts a road block between you and your dreams. We don't pursue our dreams because we believe the messages that tell us it's not possible.

EXERCISE:
Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left, write down everything that you believe about yourself that seems negative. Write everything! Don't stop. The first several will come pretty easy. Keep going. I've found that the ones you have to think harder about, are the ones you have a harder time admitting are true, and are also the ones that have rooted in deeper into your reality. Now, on the right hand side of the paper, replace each thought with a positive response. Don't worry if it sounds silly, or you still really believe the ideas on the left. Repeat this with everyone of them.

Once you've completed the list, tear the sheet down the middle and throw away the left side. Better yet, burn it and imagine those negative thoughts burning away from your thought process. Next; begin to focus on the list from the right side. Use it every day in your prayer and quiet time. Ask God to affirm these new thoughts into your mind. It works. If you can dwell on those negative messages for all these years and believe them, you can dwell on these new ones, and expect equal, and positive results.

Rejoicing The Moment

2008-09-16T23:19:00.000-04:00

"If we don't rejoice today, we will not rejoice at all," writes John Ortberg. "If we wait until conditions are perfect, we will still be waiting when we die. If we are going to rejoice, it must be this day. This is the day the Lord has made."

When I read that the other day, it hit me like rock in the head. I wondered how many times in my life I've turned my back on joy because things weren't quite right yet. How many joyous moments have I missed because I was too preoccupied with the things of the world?

We have no guarantees about tomorrow. When you lay your head on your pillow tonight, you are not promised awakening moments in the morning. Isn't life itself worth rejoicing? How often do we greet the day with dread? The opportunity to take another breath, witness another sun shine, sip another cup of coffee; they're all gifts worthy of rejoicing. This is the day that the Lord has made, be glad and rejoice in it. Again, I say rejoice.

Making Disciples

2008-08-22T02:29:00.000-04:00

The Beatles sang, "Ah, look at all the lonely people." The world is full of lonely people. The world is full of broken down, beat up people. Some 2,000 years ago, Jesus set in motion a plan to help those people. He established a system, the Church, so that broken, hurting, lonely, dirty people could find a "cool drink of water." We don't want those people in our churches anymore though. They're users and takers; they don't have anything to contribute to the institution. In his new book, "It," Craig Groeschel writes, "Jesus came for the outsiders. He came for those who were lost. Broken. Hurting. Disenfranchised. Alone. Overlooked. Poor. Jesus came for those whom religion rejected. Many churches unwittingly focus inward and forget those who are the very purpose of Jesus’ coming, the very purpose for our being here on earth." Jesus said, "Go make disciples." In essence He said, "go, give. Serve my people." Are we doing that? And I don't mean pass the plate three times each service so we can buy a new bus. The Gospel is FREE - it costs nothing to share it with someone else, and it has priceless value for the one who receives it.

Redemption

2008-08-02T10:57:00.000-04:00

Are you struggling to find your place in this world? Times are tough for many. Confusion over life circumstances is common. You may wonder, what is God up to? I hear people say, "it's time to get your Spiritual life in order." Hmm ... and what should we do about our "other" life? John Ortberg writes (in The Life You've Always Wanted) "God is not interested in your spiritual life. God is just interested in YOUR LIFE. He intends to redeem it." God wants your whole life back in order - that's why he sent his Son - so that you could have life to the fullest. What is God up to? Restoration! He wants to restore mankind to the glory we had in the Garden of Eden when we knew no pain, or sadness, or poverty. He wants to redeem and restore you. When you accept that about God, your journey will be a lot smoother. Your troubles won't go away, but you can learn to go with the flow of your life instead of swimming up stream.

The Reality Of Vision

2008-07-11T00:53:00.000-04:00

This is one of my favoite passages from Oswald Chambers:

VISION AND REALITY

"And the parched ground shall become a pool." Isaiah 35:7

We always have visions, before a thing is made real. When we realize that although the vision is real, it is not real in us, then is the time that Satan comes in with his temptations, and we are apt to say it is no use to go on. Instead of the vision becoming real, there has come the valley of humiliation.

"Life is not as idle ore,
But iron dug from central gloom,
And batter'd by the shocks of doom
To shape and use."
God gives us the vision, then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of the vision, and it is in the valley that so many of us faint and give way. Every vision will be made real if we will have patience. Think of the enormous leisure of God! He is never in a hurry. We are always in such a frantic hurry. In the light of the glory of the vision we go forth to do things, but the vision is not real in us yet; and God has to take us into the valley, and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the place where He can trust us with the veritable reality. Ever since we had the vision God has been at work, getting us into the shape of the ideal, and over and over again we escape from His hand and try to batter ourselves into our own shape.

The vision is not a castle in the air, but a vision of what God wants you to be. Let Him put you on His wheel and whirl you as He likes, and as sure as God is God and you are you, you will turn out exactly in accordance with the vision. Don't lose heart in the process. If you have ever had the vision of God, you may try as you like to be satisfied on a lower level, but God will never let you.

Oswald Chambers
My Utmost For His Highest (July 6th)